The night sky sparkled as one of my best friends and I walked out the church doors and headed to the parking lot. The air was crisp and cool, a perfect day to be outside. The stars flickered, barely bright enough to be seen under a blanket of clouds.
“I still can’t believe I got two people out,” I said happily, practically jumping up and down, “We won three times in a row too! Three times!! Do you know how cool that is?” Excitement and adrenaline raced through me, my words escaping my mouth faster than the Millennium Falcon in hyperspace. I could break into song and dance right now without a care in the world, living and breathing forever in this moment. Being at church has always had this effect on me. I’m always bouncing up and down in my seat waiting for worship to begin, lightly stomping my feet in place before the sermon begins. No one really notices—there is always a lot of talking and music playing before church officially starts. People may be playing kill-ball, nine-square or just sitting in the dining area talking or grabbing drinks.
Besides, my energy is always welcome here. We’re all very competitive in literally everything we do, be it the camps that are hosted in the summers or the annual Mexico mission trips for students to even our faith walks. And during worship when the band plays and everyone rushes to the stage and starts singing along and goes crazy whenever our lead guitarist speaks. It’s like this at camp too, everyone from East Valley can be heard cheering and screaming for him whenever he gets to lead a song. Bet we’re the loudest campus there, even if we are one of the smallest.
I took a breath and looked up to the sky, my eyes stinging, imagining I’m looking up to heaven. To a home that seems so far away yet right next to me at the same time. Like a wave of soft, delicate clouds, peace wraps itself around my soul, singing in sync with joy.
“Yea we did great! Best team here, by far,” Lexi agreed as we neared our parked cars.
I beamed and turned to unlock my car and get it started, as I said, “Text me when you get home!”
“I will! You too!”
“I will!”
“Love you!”
“Love you too!”
As I sat in my car with the engine on after my best friend drove off, I didn’t realize until that moment that this wonderful place that I have been able to come to every weekend became my top favorite place, even outranking the library. An area of comfort surrounded this place, and when you step into the parking lot, a week’s worth of worries floods away. Time simultaneously slows, stops, and quickens and before you know it the sun has set already. You could tell by walking in how loving everyone is. How fun and relaxing it is to be there. This has such a different feel to it than the church I grew up in, where it was always tight, delicate, and felt like you were walking on eggshells. There was this hidden pressure, like walls closing in on you, to be “perfect” in a way that was completely impossible. I never understood it then, because I was younger and more naïve. Yet, it was always there, those walls.
Here, though, I have never felt freer. Like a weight that wasn’t designed for me was lifted off my chest and I could breathe at last.
And I realized, in that moment, I was safe.
I am not perfect.
But I am home.
My hands drifted towards the steering wheel as I shifted to first gear and pulled out of the parking lot.
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